Men Diminishing Women, albeit Unwittingly—Even You, Barack Obama? Answer to the Quick Quiz of Yesterday

To make sense of this post, you need to first read the previous one, which asks you to identify the communication screw-up by President Obama in a 45-second video clip.

Obama’s mistake is the disrespect he metes out to House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, unwittingly of course. Take another listen to that video clip and note that Obama refers to the other three leaders in Congress--all of whom are men and one of whom (Mitch McConnell) is a “minority leader,” as is Nancy Pelosi--by their official titles. Thus, while thanking them, the president utters “the Speaker of the House”…“Democratic Leader Harry Reid”…and “Republican Leader Mitch McConnell” respectively. But the woman among them is referred to simply as “Nancy Pelosi” instead of “House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi” or “Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi.”

As noted in previous posts under the labels “diminution of women…” and “men diminishing women…,” such displays of disrespect for female professionals are, sadly, all too common, thanks to the way we men are hardwired. A classic example of this sort of invidiousness, one which I never fail to cite in my seminars on “first impression” and “diminishers,” involves George Stephanopoulos’s interview of four members of the 9-11 Commission. On that occasion, the supposedly urbane and suave Stephanopoulos repeatedly diminished the only woman among them--former U.S. Deputy Attorney General Jamie Gorelick. Click here to revisit that post.

Sure, there are preemptive steps men can and should take to avoid such accidental slighting of female professionals during meetings, presentations, and the like, and I discuss them in my above mentioned seminars.

© Copyright 2013  V. J. Singal

You can Predict the Success of a Couple’s First Date by Analyzing their Language

Just in case you missed today’s edition of NPR’s Monday morning “health blog”: You can predict the success of a couple’s first date—and thus the probability that they will still be dating several weeks later—by analyzing their language. According to UT psychologist James Pennebaker, when there is a match in the language style of two people who are speed dating--in other words, “when they used pronouns, prepositions, articles and so forth in similar ways at similar rates--they were much more likely to end up on a date.”

This piece is really worth a look.

Another Recent Case of Verbal Virus -- Meet Mr. "Correct"

In the past, I’ve written about people who suffer from such disfluencies as beginning almost every sentence they utter with the word “actually,” “basically,” and so on.

Well, the other day, I got a phone call from a young manager, probably in this mid-thirties, well educated and extremely intelligent, who was looking for an executive coach in connection with a presentation he was to make to a large audience. During that half-hour conversation, I noticed he had one glaring shortcoming: every question I put to him was answered with the word “correct” (that is, if he was replying in the affirmative). A couple of days later, we had a face-to-face get acquainted meeting—an opportunity I offer to every potential client located in the Greater Houston area. One of the many things I wanted to observe in this meeting, which was at a Starbucks, was whether the spate of “corrects” during the previous phone conversation was a result of his having a bad day or whether it was a pathological affliction. Well, this exec, let’s just call him John, did not disappoint. During the 45-minute conversation, I must have asked him dozens of questions relating to his background, his career aspirations, his present job, etc., most of which he replied in the affirmative and each time that was the case, the response was “correct.”

Not only is such an affliction extremely irritating to the listener, it also limits the speaker’s quality of expression. Imagine the vocal variety, varied facial expression, and other nonverbals he could have employed had he answered my questions with such alternative responses as: yes or yeah; absolutely; that’s right; sure thing; and of course, correct.

© Copyright 2011 V. J. Singal

My Appearance on Houston’s Channel 39 (KIAH-TV) Earlier This Month; The Consequences of Egregiously Bad Grammar During Job Interview

In a post three weeks ago, I wrote that Houston’s Channel 39 had interviewed me with regard to how poor language skills can obliterate one’s chances of success during a job interview or sales call. Well, the station did broadcast segments of that interview a few days later and you can see what they aired by clicking on the one-and-a-half-minute video clip below. Of particular interest to job seekers: My comment on how the use of typical text-messaging lingo during an interview might portray you as someone who is much too cavalier or irresponsible to handle serious tasks and who therefore cannot be entrusted with big-time responsibility.

© Copyright 2011 V. J. Singal

The Consequences of Grossly Abusing Grammar During a Job interview or While Talking to a Client or Customer

This morning, I was interviewed by award-winning journalist David Solano for his upcoming story on how extremely poor language skills can sharply diminish one’s chances of success during a jon interview or sales call. [The story is to be aired early next week on Solana’s station KIAH-TV -- Houston’s Channel 39.]

Here is what I said with regard to the severe consequences stemming from egregious grammar errors:

During a job interview or while making a sales call, murdering grammar can be lethal! [Some examples of outrageous grammatical errors: subject-verb disagreement; using first person subject pronoun “I” when it should be object pronoun “me” and the vice versa; wrong tense or wrong verb form; uttering "aks" instead of "ask."] Among the many reasons why such gross abuses of grammar can sharply diminish your prospects of being hired or of consummating a sale:

1. Unless the listener is intimately familiar with your educational background and the many college degrees you have amassed, he or she will conclude that you are poorly educated.

2. You will give the impression of being a slow, unenthusiastic learner--someone who will have difficulty quickly adapting to a potential employer's workplace culture or way of doing things.

3. As a potential employee, you will be viewed as more of a liability than an asset because:
(i) Your conspicuous grammar missteps are likely to be such a serious distraction--even an annoyance--that listeners will be unable to stay focused on your message, and
(ii) You could even end up becoming a laughing stock among not only your would-be peers but also among clients, thus severely tarnishing the company's image.

© Copyright 2011 V. J. Singal

Beware of Donning Badly Soiled Neckties—They Ooze Ugliness; Video Clip of a Highly Regarded Talking Head Wearing One

In yesterday’s post, I wrote that is not uncommon to see even men of prominence wear badly soiled neckties – ties that have acquired a clearly visible dark and ugly hue around the knot because of the wearer constantly tying and untying them with unclean hands.

Well, to see a video clip of a glaringly soiled necktie, click here. It will transport you to a recent appearance by the Kauffman Foundation’s Tim Kane on PBS’s highly regarded “Nightly Business Report.” Incidentally, Tim Kane is someone whose commentaries I always look forward to because they are so pithy.

http://www.pbs.org/nbr/site/onair/transcripts/pentagon_bureaucracy_harming_security_110104/

“Oh, Please Don’t Touch The Tie! Just Tell Me What’s Wrong.” – The Problem of Soiled Ties

Last October, just as I was getting ready to be introduced before my presentation on “Simple Verbal & Nonverbal Skills for Creating a Highly Favorable First Impression” at the Project Management Institute’s Global Congress 2010 North America held in National Harbor, Md., I quietly asked a woman seated in the front row whether my hair looked combed and whether the tie and shirt collar were in alignment. [During the previous 15 minutes or so, I had been struggling with some of the equipment in the room.] Apparently, everything was not okay with the way I looked because this person raised her hands with alacrity to center my tie, at which point I instantly recoiled and blurted out “Oh, please don’t touch the tie!”

Since there wasn’t sufficient time for me to run to the men’s room and fine tune my attire, I quickly took out a clean handkerchief, placed it on the knot of the tie, and said to that helpful woman, “OK, now go ahead and straighten it,” thus ensuring that she wouldn’t be touching the knot with her bare hands. And while she was engaged in all that manipulation, I politely explained to her and to the couple of others looking on in bemusement that one should never ever touch a tie, especially the length that goes into the making of the knot, unless one’s hands have been freshly washed. Why? Because each time you tie a knot with even mildly unclean hands, the natural oils and any dirt on the fingers leave a stain on the tie—a stain that is, of course, indiscernible at first but which, with repeated tying of the knot with oily or dirty hands, will develop into a dark and ugly patch.

Indeed, it is not uncommon to see men who are in high positions and frequently grace television don ties that are clearly soiled around the knot. See video link in next blog post. [BTW, if you have not noticed anyone wearing soiled ties so far, you certainly will after reading this blog post.]

Solution. So, what is a man to do? Because ties don’t take kindly to dry cleaning, and since there are supposedly only a handful of highly reliable dry cleaners in the nation when it comes to ties, here is my two-part solution, something that I have been practicing for over 15 years: First, just before putting on a tie, wash your hands with soap and water and then dry them thoroughly. Second, when untying the knot, simply use a fresh, clean tissue or something equivalent as a membrane between your fingers and the tie. This will obviate the need to wash and dry your hands when removing a tie.

Let me know if you have a better idea.

Heinous – the “Mispronounced Word of the Week”

This past week, while speaking about the tragedy in Tucson, numerous Americans have used the word “heinous” [pronounced HAY-nus] to describe Jared Loughner’s crime. No surprise there. What has amazed me is the number of prominent and well-educated people who have mispronounced that word, including University of Arizona President Robert Shelton. In his opening remarks at the nationally broadcast memorial service on Wednesday night (the one attended by President Obama), Shelton pronounced heinous as “highness.” Unbelievable!

© Copyright 2011 V. J. Singal

Verbal Tics: Even a Couple of Utterances of “Basically”/ “Essentially” in Quick Succession Can Muddy a Communication and the Speaker’s Image

When talking about filler words and other verbal tics and how they can eviscerate an otherwise well crafted presentation (a subtopic in my recent presentations on “Simple Verbal and Nonverbal Skills for Creating a Highly Favorable First Impression” at PMI Global Congress North America 2010 and at the Minnesota Government IT Symposium), I always share with my audiences some real-life examples to buttress my points. I also name names--not to denigrate anyone but because doing so endows my ideas and admonitions with credibility and helps establish that filler words and other disfluencies can get the better of even highly trained speakers and broadcast professionals, if they lower their guard.

Take a listen and see for yourself how even a couple of uses of "basically"/"essentially" and the like, when uttered in quick succession, can render a communication inelegant. The link is to a segment from a recent edition (Dec. 22) of “Marketplace Morning Report” --one of my favorite radio programs. You will hear co-host Stacey Vanek Smith utter the following as she throws her first question to guest David Lazarus of the LA Times on the subject of Christmas shopping: “Retail sales have been pretty good this season so far. It’s strange, though, that we seem to be spending again, given that unemployment is basically worse and personal income is flat. Why, since the economy’s basically where it was last year, is consumer spending up so much this season?”

For my thoughts on (i) how verbal tics can seriously dilute the impact of a presentation or other important communication (my research indicates that as much as 40% to 60% of an audience can become distracted and lose their focus on the speaker’s message!), and (ii) how to eliminate such disfluencies from your “system,” see posts of June 28 and Sept. 29.

The Julie and David Eisenhower Interview on CBS "Sunday Morning": A Lesson in the Obligations of Those Who Are Voluble, Expressive, or Outspoken

I’ve long been an admirer of Julie and David Eisenhower, and not for any ideological reasons. And because the famous couple rarely appears in the media, I eagerly consumed every moment of their interview broadcast last month on CBS “Sunday Morning,” one of my favorite television shows. [For the uninitiated: Julie Eisenhower is the daughter of President Nixon and David is the grandson of President Eisenhower.]

But one aspect of the interview was painful watching: Each time interviewer Mo Rocca threw a question at the seated couple jointly, the voluble and assertive Julie would instantly launch into a reply, with David sometimes vainly gesturing and trying to add a comment (once, even flailing his arms) and then abandoning his response mid-sentence upon realizing that he was not getting anywhere (because of his relative inaudibility, he was unable to seize Mo Rocca’s attention), as Julie continued with her detailed and enthusiastic response.

I believe there is a powerful lesson to be drawn from the above. Whenever two or more people are being interviewed jointly, it behooves the person who is decidedly more vocal, expressive, or vehement to make a conscious effort, such as occasionally pausing and looking at the other person, to encourage and even coax a response from him or her. A must if the latter happens to be a relatively shy or reticent type.

To watch that fascinating segment on CBS: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/10/24/sunday/main6987169.shtml

© Copyright 2010 V.J. Singal

High-Impact Public Speaking; Eliminating Uhs and Ums, Filler Words, and Other Verbal Tics From Your Oral Communications

In a post a few weeks ago, I discussed how the unrelenting use of uhs and ums, and filler words such as actually, basically, and you know can be extremely irritating to the listener and can eviscerate your presentation or interview. As promised, here are some thoughts on how to expunge these verbal tics and other annoying mannerisms from your system.

(a) Solving the problem on your own: First you must make a conscious effort to find out what sort of tics or disfluencies you utter frequently. I say this because many who suffer from such a flaw have no idea that their speech contains a preponderance of uhs and ums, or you knows, or basically/essentially/actually, and so on. The best way to find out is to quietly ask one or two people in the audience to give you some feedback each time you make a presentation. You could also request people in the office, especially those who can hear you speak on the phone or who often attend the same meetings that you do, or family members at home. Then, having sized up the problem, stick little post-it notes or other helpful reminders on your office desk or wall, or any other place that you often stare at while on the phone. Carry a sheet of paper with such self-admonitions into each meeting.

(b) Through outside help: Join a Toastmasters club. When I first became a Toastmaster, every sentence of mine contained a spate of uhs. Yet, within just a few months, I had almost banished them from my speech! Today, even during my long workshops (1- to 2-day affairs) the audience will scarcely find me uttering more than a total of one or two uhs.

Evisceration of a Presentation or Interview by Relentless Use of Filler Words and Other Tics; A Flood of “You Knows” In an NPR Interview Last Week

Did you listen to the interview with author Kevin Michael Connolly on NPR’s “Weekend Edition” this past Saturday, June 26? If you did, chances are that you came away quite irritated by the unending stream of “you knows” from the guest. During the approximately 8-minute interview, there were at least 29 “you knows,” sometimes as many as three in a single sentence. You can take a listen by clicking here: http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=128107424&m=128127235

The overabundance of filler words such as you know, basically, essentially, um, severely weakens, even cripples, a presentation or other important oral communication. According to my research, when a disfluency runs riot during a presentation or other communication, 40% to 60% of the listeners are unable to stay focused on the speaker’s message. Why? Because many in the audience start counting the number of occurrences of that particular verbal tic.

Indeed, while presenting my popular module “Diminishers: Communication traits that sharply reduce one’s effectiveness and affect others’ perception of your competence,” whenever I ask participants for their pet peeves, the “overuse of filler words” almost always tops the list.

The problem of verbal tics getting the better of one’s communications is pervasive, and it seems to occur just as much in senior executives as in newly minted college grads. For instance, during his interview on CBS’s “60 minutes” a few months ago, one of America’s top scientists began every sentence with the word “actually.”

Verbal idiosyncrasies such as those cited above are not pathological, and can be cured with some simple steps. People who have been employing filler words ad nauseam for years, even decades, have been doing so partly because no one--neither friends nor colleagues--summon the courage or will to point them out. And the reason for the latter: Fear of causing offense and possibly even ruining a friendship. Not surprisingly, whenever I point out such a mannerism or quirk to an executive or other professional whom I am coaching, their reaction is one of genuine surprise, their typical response being “I had no idea!”

Soon, I will be posting some specific recommendations on how to expunge these annoying and diminishing verbal traits from your “system” so that you can avoid a miscarriage or serious undermining of your presentation or interview.